H.M. July 20, 2016 at 2:33 A.M.
It’s been 32 days since I’ve last seen you in person, heard your voice, had you in my grasp, and allowed your scent to waft onto my shirt. In these 32 days I’ve thought about you every single day and every single sad night until I fell asleep. I keep on telling myself that I made the worst mistake of my life by letting you go. But the truth is, I miss you. I see you in the drinks in Wawa, I hear you in my music late at night , and remember you in the flannels in my closet. These memories engender a constant thrashing in my heart that rips it into pieces when I feel you losing me. You stop saying good night and I start craving you more and more, finally realizing what I had or could have had even though I’m losing you quicker and quicker. I fear that this summer you’ll fall out of love and quicker. I fear that this summer you’ll fall out of love and I’ll fall into love as we stop seeing each other. I can feel you getting over me as I am falling for you. And this is what I struggle with. I keep thinking about how we could be and the ways you’d treat me and the memories we could create together if it wasn’t for me losing myself and getting scared. And I’m sorry... Sorry for the broken hearts that didn’t have to be because I know we’re both not fine. But I’m going to move on, I have to, I’ve made my decision and as hard as it was i made it for a reason. I fear that the movie for my choice will crumble and fall out of place and I’ll be left with nothing. I know I’d come crawling back but it’d be too late and you’d already have moved on, and it kills me.